I could find no image to truly depict the emotions my character felt, so...no image


         DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN


I feel faint, i feel like letting go, my world is spinning, i am crying, trying my best to hold it in but i can't my fear builds as i look around my room one more time and i still don't find what i'm looking for.
My dad is dead, my mom is dead, my elder brother is in prison and i... i am mad; responsibility is a term i'm well acquainted with as a twenty year old orphan in her final year in the university, my mom and dad died seven months ago and since then i haven't been the same; no one in my family has. After they died i relocated from school to my home so i could take care of my junior siblings ada and ifeanyi ; ada 15 and ifeanyi 12, making this decision was what was expected of me from my life's onlookers; people who would pity but never help, lots of them called me brave and strong, but their accolades did nothing to ease the pain i felt leaving a life i knew, a life of freedom to one of deep responsibilities, still i bore it well for my siblings, i try to be the best i can be for ada and ifeanyi but it seems that for every action i take there is someone out there wishing my family and i ill.
     Things started to fall apart  three months ago when my parent's lawyer met with me to discuss my parent's will, i found out to my despair that there was little to nothing left for my siblings and i, i couldn't fathom what to do, as their legal guardian they were my responsibility now, as a student about to graduate i had issues to settle in school that needed a lot of money, i tried my best but soon there was no money to feed or transport my siblings and i to school, it felt like i was locked in a room with no air, i had to make money fast, so i started writing, as i wrote i hoped; i hoped my writing was good enough, i hoped i would get published fast, i hoped i would make enough for my family since none of my relatives were willing to help, i was so consumed with survival that i didn't notice it grow, as day and night i worried about chike in prison, about ada and ifeanyi in school, about how i would cope in my education , i didn't notice there was something terribly wrong with me, until one day while trying to come up with different ways to make the little money i had solve as much as it could, ada tapped me and asked me why i was muttering to myself, i stared at her confused. As i went back to planning how to efficiently utilise the money i had i couldn't shake off ada's words "sister you are muttering and chanting to yourself" as it kept ringing in my head. So i decided to keep an eye on myself and soon noticed that i would often mutter to myself about different things; what we would eat, how i would get money to buy food for chike when visiting. i was slowly fading to nothingness and i could do nothing to stop . I tried my best to keep it together for my family; i researched my project, cooked, washed, Yet i couldn't shake off the feeling that there was someone out there in the shadows of evil grinning and planning and waiting, what they were waiting for i didn't know.
   One day i came home from school and went to my room hoping to complete a chapter in my book, but i couldn't find my manuscript. The moment i didn't see my manuscript where it usually was; ontop of my drawer, i felt something moist crawl down my spine as slowly and methodically i searched for it , my actions growing frantic as i searched for it to no avail.
     "where's it? where's it?,where's it?"  i kept chanting as i lifted the foot mat; it wasn't there, i lifted the books;it wasn't there, i unhooked the picture from the wall to check behind;it wasn't there, i lifted my feet to check under; it wasn't there... i lifted my feet again to make sure; it still wasn't there. Paranoia hit me hard, someone was looking at me and laughing, i cried and screamed to my enemies as they surrounded me as they mocked me... the room starts to spin as i keep searching , yet what i'm looking for i know not, but i know i must keep on searching, maybe what i'm looking for is under my clothes i think as i remove my blouse;it's not there, i remove my jean trousers; it's not there, maybe it's hiding in my bra; still not there, i run outside and past people whose faces seem familiar yet strange but i can't stop, i have to find her, it, him, i have to find something but what? My enemies are catching up to me, i feel them holding me, i won't let them win. I struggle with all my might as I run out of the gate i keep chanting "where's it?" i must find what i'm looking for,i must show my enemies they would never triumph over me, i'll show them all i have to do is find it, her, him.....



Remember people, i'm just a "childling writer", so don't be too harsh with criticisms, also forgive any mistake and if you are confused with any of my stories don't be for i aim to confuse. Goodnight beautiful people. 

                           Dear Nigeria,

How are you? Hope all is well?? i believe that's quite senseless a question to ask, seeing as how things are over here.Nigeria, my great nation, my fatherland, why are we not progressing?  I was on a bike one day going to my campus, when a police man flagged down the bike i was on and asked the bike man for money, the bike man of course refused, because lets face it, no one wants to feed another family with his/her hard earned money, they argued for minutes, after the police man understood no money would be given him he asked us to go, just as we were about to ride off he spat at the driver who ducked leaving me with the saliva of an unknown man on my face, why Nigeria?? Why would you do this to not just me but millions out there, till today i feel shame remembering how i could do nothing but wipe the saliva of my face, never had i felt so powerless , so shamed. How's it going Nigeria? Why would you humiliate and not protect your people?? I love you Nigeria but you are not stepping up, i speak for everybody who's been bullied by Nigeria, for every slap from a police man or army man, for every time we have to walk in water waist deep to reach the bank or market because the government doesn't care if a little child is carried away or worse drowned, for every assault on women by men and laughed about it over bottles of beer with the authorities turning a blind eye, for everything Nigeria has done to strip you of your dignity and basic human rights, please i beg never give up on Nigeria, never get fed up, keep on working, every little right gesture counts, the change starts with us, one day like a phoenix Nigeria will rise in Glory. 
Arise o compatriots Nigeria's call obey, long live Nigeria!!! 

Will upload another story soon, hope y'all are still with me. Please drop a comment about what you think, suggestions, ideas, opinions, anything. C'mon help your gal out, make her better. Goodnight darlings live long and prosper!!!!

   THE NEXT DAY.....(part3)

                   

I felt my heart beating painfully, nearly bursting out of my chest with every step that brought me nearer to the school, as we reached the school compound my mother held my hands and walked to a door with HEAD TEACHER written boldly on it, she knocked softly so softly i didn't think it would be heard, but to my surprise the door opened suddenly to reveal a woman as pale as milk, it was the first time i saw "the white people" up close , i remember feeling so scared and awed as she ushered my mother and i into a small room, which was her office. she asked me my name in fluent igbo which shocked me, i never thought someone like her could ever learn our language much less speak so well.
"Obiajuru Ikwunze",  mother answered on my behalf.
Head teacher wilkins as i later came to know her stood up and guided me to a side of the room partitioned with a curtain where i changed to my uniform already given me, as i put on the white shirt and khaki shorts which hung loosely on my thin frame, i knew there and then i would never return to the farm, i stepped out from behind the curtain to see head teacher wilkins with a rope for me to tie my khaki shorts to prevent them from falling,after i held my shorts with the rope she handed me an exercise book and lead pencil,
"he will have to start from standard I even though he should be in standard II, he will be the oldest and biggest" head teacher wilkins told my mother before she ushered her out and led me to my classroom.
'Good morning class' the head teacher greeted as she stepped into the classroom,
GOOOD MORNING ma, the pupils roared like a special price would be given to the loudest
'this is Obiajuru your new classmate' she said while pushing me to a teacher standing in front of the class, as she left the teacher called me over, wrote something on the board and asked me to read it, i couldn't. I had never ever opened a book before,never in my life had i read, as i stared at the teacher not knowing what to say i felt like my world had crumbled, on my first day i had already started failing.
"go to the back and sit down, from tomorrow i would give you extra lessons" he told me in igbo, as i walked to the seat assigned to me i could hear the snickers of my classmates as they laughed at me. I sat down and hoped the day would end soon, after what seemed like forever school finally dismissed, i rushed out of the class to go home only to meet my classmates gathered outside, my heart fell to my stomach as they started shouting "itiboribo!! papa lolo!!- dullard!! old man!!" , i felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces as i struggled to hold my tears, i never thought my first day in school would turn out to be the worst day of my life,soon after they grew tired of teasing me and dispersed in groups laughing and talking among themselves, i ran to my mother's hut with tears running from my eyes and snot running from my nose
"obia ke ife owu- talk to me what is it?" my mother asked with concern, tears fell more as i told her all that happened in school
"ozugo - it's okay" she told me while she wiped my face with the edge of her wrapper, she sat down and pulled me to her
"obim you were blessed from birth, i knew that the moment i carried you in my arms for the first time, mark my words son, those that laugh at you today will grovel at your feet tomorrow, ozugo nwam, wipe your tears, tomorrow do the extra lesson with your teacher and work hard, inu? - you hear? " she asked me. I nodded and went to remove my clothes. At night as i laid on my mat i thought of my mom and steeled my mind and swore they would never see me cry again no matter what.
THE NEXT DAY i went to school prepared to work hard and never looked back.


Sorry i put this late, i just finished my exams, guess who's a final year student now, this Girl!! Whoo!!.  
 so "The next day"   is done, i wrote this story for various reasons, one of them being to promote the stop bullying campaign because bullying breaks a soul, and because i want everyone who's been a victim to know that they have the power to  mold themselves.   I really hope you enjoyed this story, hope to become better and give you more,  Ciao beautiful people, live long and prosper.