I could find no image to truly depict the emotions my character felt, so...no image


         DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN


I feel faint, i feel like letting go, my world is spinning, i am crying, trying my best to hold it in but i can't my fear builds as i look around my room one more time and i still don't find what i'm looking for.
My dad is dead, my mom is dead, my elder brother is in prison and i... i am mad; responsibility is a term i'm well acquainted with as a twenty year old orphan in her final year in the university, my mom and dad died seven months ago and since then i haven't been the same; no one in my family has. After they died i relocated from school to my home so i could take care of my junior siblings ada and ifeanyi ; ada 15 and ifeanyi 12, making this decision was what was expected of me from my life's onlookers; people who would pity but never help, lots of them called me brave and strong, but their accolades did nothing to ease the pain i felt leaving a life i knew, a life of freedom to one of deep responsibilities, still i bore it well for my siblings, i try to be the best i can be for ada and ifeanyi but it seems that for every action i take there is someone out there wishing my family and i ill.
     Things started to fall apart  three months ago when my parent's lawyer met with me to discuss my parent's will, i found out to my despair that there was little to nothing left for my siblings and i, i couldn't fathom what to do, as their legal guardian they were my responsibility now, as a student about to graduate i had issues to settle in school that needed a lot of money, i tried my best but soon there was no money to feed or transport my siblings and i to school, it felt like i was locked in a room with no air, i had to make money fast, so i started writing, as i wrote i hoped; i hoped my writing was good enough, i hoped i would get published fast, i hoped i would make enough for my family since none of my relatives were willing to help, i was so consumed with survival that i didn't notice it grow, as day and night i worried about chike in prison, about ada and ifeanyi in school, about how i would cope in my education , i didn't notice there was something terribly wrong with me, until one day while trying to come up with different ways to make the little money i had solve as much as it could, ada tapped me and asked me why i was muttering to myself, i stared at her confused. As i went back to planning how to efficiently utilise the money i had i couldn't shake off ada's words "sister you are muttering and chanting to yourself" as it kept ringing in my head. So i decided to keep an eye on myself and soon noticed that i would often mutter to myself about different things; what we would eat, how i would get money to buy food for chike when visiting. i was slowly fading to nothingness and i could do nothing to stop . I tried my best to keep it together for my family; i researched my project, cooked, washed, Yet i couldn't shake off the feeling that there was someone out there in the shadows of evil grinning and planning and waiting, what they were waiting for i didn't know.
   One day i came home from school and went to my room hoping to complete a chapter in my book, but i couldn't find my manuscript. The moment i didn't see my manuscript where it usually was; ontop of my drawer, i felt something moist crawl down my spine as slowly and methodically i searched for it , my actions growing frantic as i searched for it to no avail.
     "where's it? where's it?,where's it?"  i kept chanting as i lifted the foot mat; it wasn't there, i lifted the books;it wasn't there, i unhooked the picture from the wall to check behind;it wasn't there, i lifted my feet to check under; it wasn't there... i lifted my feet again to make sure; it still wasn't there. Paranoia hit me hard, someone was looking at me and laughing, i cried and screamed to my enemies as they surrounded me as they mocked me... the room starts to spin as i keep searching , yet what i'm looking for i know not, but i know i must keep on searching, maybe what i'm looking for is under my clothes i think as i remove my blouse;it's not there, i remove my jean trousers; it's not there, maybe it's hiding in my bra; still not there, i run outside and past people whose faces seem familiar yet strange but i can't stop, i have to find her, it, him, i have to find something but what? My enemies are catching up to me, i feel them holding me, i won't let them win. I struggle with all my might as I run out of the gate i keep chanting "where's it?" i must find what i'm looking for,i must show my enemies they would never triumph over me, i'll show them all i have to do is find it, her, him.....



Remember people, i'm just a "childling writer", so don't be too harsh with criticisms, also forgive any mistake and if you are confused with any of my stories don't be for i aim to confuse. Goodnight beautiful people.